What we looked like 2 years ago
Post -Cancer Blues
The one thing i wasn't prepared for was Post Cancer Blues !!! I really thought i dealt with the whole situation very well i hardly cried throughout the cancer progress and chemotherapy . Then the brick wall came with full force when all of my treatments stopped . I cannot tell you how many times i cried in a day because it was so many times .I wasn't prepared to have a complete melt down. Please prepare yourself for the possible onslaught of this . I thought i would be absolutely fine and ready to up and go again . I was so far from the absolute truth . I thought in my mind that i would feel relief but in honesty i think i was struggling knowing what i had just been through . I felt lucky to still be alive but i couldn't get into doing anything i may of done before . i struggled picking up the phone , writing letters , functioning at good pace. every day was a fight with myself . I felt vulnerable with one breast and anxious that maybe it could come back . I felt like a failure and i reflected on the years treatments and how i managed so well . i couldn't stop crying i would see an advert and cry i couldn't listen to the word cancer . short of feeling a one breasted freak and my hair was growing at a slow pace. I felt like at the beginning i had so many friends come and support me and after everyone stopped . The visiting became a thing of the past all i did was hide in the corner sitting on the settee. I struggled with talking too anyone without crying and giving myself a hard time. I felt also so fatigued much more than normal but everyone is different . I already have Chronic fatigue that debilitates me in so many ways. Cancer is a little like being suspended in isolation like walking through a field fighting the elements in the thick snow .The loneliness extends at home as severe isolation because you start to feel different from others . I could be in a dark forest trying to get through to the light or climbing a mountain with dangerous crevasses . Your family unit is your safety clause but sometimes understanding what you feel is challenging . you start dealing with more new things like why can't i go out ? why don't i want to go and sit in my own garden ? why can't i talk with people ? why do people not understand why i might feel out of place ? . Mixing is a problem as people work and don't have the time for me anymore. People don't realise the fear that compounds gradually over time . After still fighting terrible fatigue into the month of July 2015 . You can begin to realise how distant you begin to feel and all help of macmillan miles from help. Nothing like how they talk about things and how there there for you every step of the way . At the beginning i think you fight the battle because its our human instincts to fight for survival . when its gone i think this is where people can spiral at home . Fear steps in wondering if its going to come back again and fear of not being understood when you feel insecure . I am however very lucky to have a good GP that has helped me and family . Sometimes it still eats away at me but the one thing is there is always someone worse of than myself. God has kept me here because I obviously have more to do in my lifetime . thank you to my family for being there when times have been tough but please understand me if I'm a little grumpy give me time before I'm judged on my opinions i give .Try to sit and talk too me quietly because i may feel a little sensitive . Thank you too the friends that did help me when they found out i was unwell you will know who you are !!!! xxxx
I thank my doctor and owe my life for her professional but ultimately caring advise and referring me to be seen by specialists . Also jay making me check out this lump to begin with and getting me to ultimately check myself out and attend the GP .My GPs quick professional help and referral that was vital in my life being what it is now and extended . Maybe my story on paper now would be one of different nature and not as positive on the outlook . If I hadn't of had these two individual caring people engineering in my care maybe if I'm bluntly honest I may not be here today . If it wasn't for the professionalism of my GP and my husband for being caring and in tune with me. My life would be somewhat harder than now . My husband and my GP I owe my life for there vital responses . Both helped pick me up when I was down , Both gave me the strength to fight the battle , both gave the best care that I will never forget to every day I reach a new day . This is how I know there are true life heroes that are important in our lives growing and helping me become a stronger person . Please Read the story Of Nalie Augustin who has become a special person of Inspiration this shows that not all i aspire to be like is a celebrity as in actress they can be someone motivational and inspiring http://www.nalie.ca. Please check out Nalie story of how she made the choice to speak publicly about her progress of her breast Cancer . Nalie story has inspired me to see life differently and share my story with you . Also helped me to blog about feelings and I was so much more positive dealing with my cancer . Below i have a Bucket list of things i would like to at some point complete.
Has anyone struggled with Post Cancer Blues ?
2016
Now my hair has grown and its looking better and is easier to maintain i have stuck with a bob style as its easier to manage.
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